Are you vegan and celebrating the holiday season with your not-yet-vegan relatives?
Here are five signs you may need to incorporate an airing of grievances into your holiday festivities:
1. You Find the Smell of Cheese Offensive
If you open your in-law’s fridge and the smell of “fancy” cheese gives you a flashback to the time the diaper genie got knocked over, boggling your mind that anyone would willingly eat the source of this stench, you might be vegan.
Pro tip: Urge them to put the cheese into a sealed Tupperware container—it does wonders to contain the smell. And then tell them about the healthier and better-smelling vegan cheeses they could try instead!
2. You Can’t Look at the Dead Bird on the Table Without Thinking About Slaughter
Does seeing a roasted, headless animal carcass on the dining table and watching family members blithely gnaw on it trigger you? If you find the “Joy to the World” soundtrack playing in the background extra ironic at a time like this, you may be a card-carrying member of the vegan club and possibly the president.
Pro tip: Add a delicious vegan roast or vegan Wellington to the holiday spread, and encourage everyone to try some.
3. You’re Indignant About the Animal Remains Under the Christmas Tree
If the question “Do you like my new UGG boots?” has you feeling conflicted because you want to share PETA’s 14 wool exposés but (ironically) you don’t want to be seen as a killer of joy and if your brother’s new “eco-friendly” leather jacket has you struggling not to roll your eyes, you might be as vegan as they come.
Pro tip: Take note of what animal-derived gifts people are receiving and give them a cruelty-free version of it next year.
4. Nativity Scenes Using Animals and Reindeer Displays Break Your Heart
If the sight of goats and sheep chained on concrete in a noisy shopping center parking lot for a local Nativity scene gives you the urge to cut all the tethers and rescue the animals, you’re probably vegan. If afterward, you find yourself thinking not only about the abuse to animals inherent in these displays but also about how historically inaccurate it is to depict any animals in the original Nativity—you may have vegan genes in your DNA.
Pro tip: Find out which organization or church has coordinated the Nativity scene or reindeer display and urge it to use only willing human participants going forward.
5. You Feel Triumphant Anytime Someone Compliments a Vegan Dish
If you feel satisfied (and a tiny bit smug) when more people go for your vegan candied yams than they do for the nonvegan mashed potatoes, it’s very possible that you’re a rescued dog–hugging, pig-loving, pineapple leather–wearing vegan!
Pro tip: If your family doesn’t quite yet understand your compassionate lifestyle, focus on the things you have in common with them and remember to stay positive, be patient, practice self-care, and find solace knowing that you’re helping animals.
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It’s obvious that the meaty advertisements glorifying violence toward animals while touting benevolence and holiday cheer are contradictory—but we encourage you to cherish the time you have with your loved ones, enjoy the cozy glow of the Christmas tree’s lights, and be grateful for your good fortune. If the holidays stir up feelings of being isolated or misunderstood, just remember that there are millions of other vegans out there who can relate and that the ranks are always growing—to the point that none of this will be an issue one day!
